Feeling For vs. Feeling With: The Truth About Empathy and Sympathy

A bird with elegance and beauty

One soothes, the other heals—know the difference

Are you comforting, truly connecting, or unintentionally causing harm? Let’s break it down.

When I was going through my divorce, I experienced all kinds of support. Some reached out with genuine care, offering a listening ear, guidance, and a shoulder to lean on. Others stood by me fiercely, protecting me with all their strength. And then, there were those who weren’t there to support—but to spectate, finding entertainment in the gossip of my pain.

I found myself in the observation phase—because sometimes, sadness does that to you. There were no words, just silence. Just sitting, absorbing the sounds and noise around me. When you’re at your lowest, that’s when life’s lessons start making sense. That’s where wisdom is born—not in distractions, but in the stillness of your pain.

It’s in those moments that you truly see people for who they are. You learn who can empathize—those who sit with you in the dark without rushing you toward the light—and who can only sympathize, offering distant condolences but never really stepping into your experience.

I received an email from someone wanting to build a bridge with me. A bold statement—one that usually comes from someone with history, someone you’ve known personally, or perhaps someone who has caused you hurt and now seeks to mend the past.

But here’s the thing—I had never even met this person. I only knew of them. So why this email? Why the sudden urge to connect?

Before I get to the why, I urge my fellow women—stand together. Truly see each other’s pain. Go beyond surface-level support and dare to go deeper with the women who had no choice but to sit in a pile of S*** she never created.

Ask her—not just why she had to endure it, but why she was expected to clean up a mess she never made. And then ask yourself—Are you truly seeing her? Are you standing with her, or just looking at her? Or perhaps… is her journey one you were never meant to step into at all?

Because in her story, in her struggle, lies a truth that too many ignore. And in our willingness to listen, we find the strength to rise together.

Building a bridge isn’t always about making peace. Sometimes, it’s about convenience. Sometimes, it’s not about healing—it’s about access.

People reach out not because they care, but because they need something—clarity, closure, or control. They want to tap into your energy, to get a glimpse of who you really are, because they’ve only ever known fragments of your story. Curiosity disguised as connection. Guilt masquerading as goodwill.

Not every outstretched hand is an invitation for unity. Some just want to know—not to understand, but to satisfy their own uncertainty. And that’s where discernment comes in.

And in that silence, I didn’t just see my own pain—I saw people for who they really were. That’s when discernment becomes clear: some show up for you, while others show up for themselves.

Because not every bridge is meant to be built. Some are better left as ash.

My hope is to inspire you. My purpose is to pay it forward with my wisdom and lessons. If you feel lost, alone, drained and need guidance, I’m here to help and heal.

Disclaimer: This article is the original work of Deepti Prakash and is intended for educational and informational purposes only. All content is protected by copyright law. Unauthorized use, reproduction, or distribution of any part of this work without permission is strictly prohibited. To share or reference this material, please credit the author appropriately and obtain prior written consent.